Gayish

I follow this one “influencer” and I’m not really sure why? I think I liked his approach to business through spirituality. But honestly, to me, he doesn’t really feel all the spiritual. No judgement, just my perception (not truth). But for some reason, I’m still intrigued by him, although that curiosity has begun to wane quite a bit. He’s very young and perhaps I felt like I’d gain some insight from his youthful perspective.

I even went so far as to apply for one of his mentorship cohorts. I got through two or three interviews. I kind of felt going into it that I probably wasn’t a good fit for his culture, yet still wanted to follow my curiosity and felt like I had some aged wisdom to contribute to this very young cohort. I’m also very intrigued by these young guns making millions and wanted to peer into their world, their energy, their motivation.

Then, today, he posted a story talking about why you should seek God and Spirituality first and how happiness from material things is fleeting and not fulfilling in the long run. All made sense to me. But then he said quote “You think spiritual stuff is strategic but gayish and ur closed to it.” Bummer. Am I reading too much into this?

Generally, that language doesn’t bother me, but I actually applied to be in his cohort. I clearly didn’t expect that from him. So it was a bit of a, “pause and reflect” moment.—so much that I needed to make my first blog post about it. haha

I don’t really want to give him or this topic anymore energy, but I know there are others out there that can relate to this and hopefully me sharing this little experience helps you feel less alone. I’m not perfect and neither is my language. But I am gay and sometimes really gayish. And everything I experience is a reflection of my subconscious. So what is this moment teaching/telling me about myself? What work still needs to be done?

I think there’s a part of me that is still scared to express/acknowledge this very large part of my identity and being. I often wonder why I chose this orientation prior to this incarnation. Which leads me to another blog post. I have a lot to say about this.